Chapter 8 - The Pub

I went home, took my phone and the car keys, and drove to the sports bar down the road. Sindiswa would come home to an empty house and know something was wrong. I wasn't ready to face her. I had a lot of sorting out to do. I sat at the bar, ordered a beer, and stared at the game without watching any of it. Twenty-two minutes later my phone buzzed.

Where are you? Are you okay?

So. They'd gone back to Amahle's place and Lucky had told them everything. Sindiswa now knew I'd seen her with Bhekani. I'd run, which couldn't be a good sign, and she was fishing for answers, trying to work out where things stood.

I wished I could tell her.

I sipped my beer and flashes of tonight kept detonating in my head at random. I saw his big cock inside her. I saw her mouth on Amahle. My penis expanded and contracted on its own, like it had no more idea what to do than I did.

Are you okay? she'd asked.

How do I answer that? I'm tormented, but I'm partly to blame for that myself. By standing outside and watching, I became part of what happened. I know that now. My being there, my not moving, my secret twisted arousal — all of it was part of the scene. I was the audience to her performance, the witness to my own humiliation. I stood there, a ghost inside my own skin, and greedily drank in every filthy detail. I have to face that. I hate it, but it's true. I couldn't look away. I waited quietly for the next act. I hate being this exposed to myself, but there it is. There I am.

Are you okay?