Chapter 5 - Letting Go

On the way home, I overthought everything. Days turned into weeks, and we started drifting apart. He told me he felt guilty for loving me more than he loved his wife. We still texted, but we saw each other less and less. Months passed. Then years.

He always said it was work, or studying. But I knew the truth. I wasn't important to him. I was just the receptionist. The low life who entertained him when his real life got boring.

He said he loved me, but I didn't feel it anymore. He didn't show it like he used to. I held onto his words for years, and it broke me. But I still loved him. I know that sounds crazy.

I tried dating other people, but my love for him was too strong. So I stopped and hoped one day I'd stop loving him. I held onto the old him - the one who showed up, who made me feel safe, who put me first. The man who knew what I needed before I said it.

Now all I got were lies. Delayed replies. Missed calls. Excuses. No time for me. It felt like I was forcing him to stay.

Love shouldn't make you feel desperate.

Love shouldn't make you feel like you're begging.

Love shouldn't make you feel insecure when they're not beside you.

After four or five years, I let him go. I still loved him. I still thought about him every day. But I realized he didn't love me - he loved having both worlds.

I'm sure he found someone else to entertain him. I wasn't enough for his world. I didn't fit his profession. He was never going to be mine.

I know Thembi warned me. But I am human. I wanted him to myself.