Chapter 36 - Chapter 35

"Thanks for seeing me at such short notice," I tell Dr Mngadi. "And so early."

"You said it was urgent." He watches me walking back and forth in front of his desk. "You should sit."

I force myself into the chair across from him, even though my body hums with pent-up energy. I shouldn't have any energy at all, since I barely slept all weekend. Yoh. What was I thinking? Fucking Naledi in the garage like some horny teenager? With Zinhle's friends upstairs? Fucking Naledi, full stop. Who better to tell me I've lost my mind than my shrink?

"I slept with my ex." The bald words barrel out of me. "Twice."

"Okay." Dr Mngadi adjusts his glasses, his professional demeanour unshaken. "Before we go there, let's—"

"Hhayibo, Doc. We need to go straight there. I don't need deep breaths. No affirmations. And I definitely don't need that feelings wheel. I know exactly how I feel."

"Then tell me how you feel."

"Like an idiot."

"That's not a feeling."

"Dammit. Give me the wheel."

Lips pressed together, holding back a smile, he hands me the sheet of paper with the bright colours and the emotions listed on it. I look at them, struggling to find myself in the sea of words swimming on the page in front of me.

"Uh, I suppose I feel confused." I study the circle further. "Anxious. Sensuous. Definitely sensuous, that shit was . . ."

I clear my throat and frown at the words leaping out at me.

Excited.

Hopeful.

Scared.

I can't bring myself to say those out loud, not even to Dr Mngadi, but by the way he's watching me, he probably already knows.

"Why did this constitute an emergency?" he asks.