Chapter 45 - Chapter 45: A Hundred And Twenty-Five Minutes

My dad's flight home to Durban left a couple of hours ago and I already miss him. But after a few days away from Joburg and from Zondi — even knowing he was in the same city as me — the fog started to lift. Clarity started to take over, and at this point the only thing keeping my feet moving forward is the sheer determination to put myself first.

Zondi might not have chosen me, but from here on out I'm going to. Since the version of happiness I want, the one where he's in my life again, is off the table, I'm going to choose the next best thing. A life far away from him, where I can walk out of my building and not see his. Where I can go to Zoo Lake and not wonder whether I'll spot Rosie. Where I can work on an aircraft without him being one of my passengers.

It might not be my happiest life, but it'll be happy enough, and the need to feel one spark of joy is the only thing driving my decisions.

As the last seconds tick down at Danie Craven on my phone in the galley, I want to cheer with Andi. Alex have won away — without Zondi, who has spent the whole ninety in the stand serving his ban — which makes the league mathematically theirs with matches to spare. And even though I truly am so happy for him, my exhausted body doesn't have it in it to celebrate. On a selfish note, part of me hates that I won't be on board for the final, if and when it comes.

Nobody else knows that yet.